doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
