I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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