I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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