Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
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It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
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"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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