can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
