I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
