they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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