i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
