Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
