I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
