Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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