his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
