i will never coherently bang her
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
you had me at cake vodka
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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