How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
