i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
