I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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