dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
