tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
