I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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