Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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