Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
