I got chris browned last night
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
