Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
