I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
