My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
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That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
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Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all