Texts From Last Night

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  (661): View more from California

  I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."

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  (661): I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry." http://tfl.nu/yxdf
  Replies (18) Good night (1106) Bad night (4085)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME

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  (724): As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME http://tfl.nu/k5kv
  Replies (9) Good night (4236) Bad night (593)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...

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  (630): you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling... http://tfl.nu/h6kn
  Replies (38) Good night (1095) Bad night (3937)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies

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  (703): apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies http://tfl.nu/vhuy
  Replies (77) Good night (1539) Bad night (6939)
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  (516): View more from New York

  i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.

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  (516): i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records. http://tfl.nu/e6fm
  Replies (7) Good night (3746) Bad night (1872)
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  (631): View more from New York

  beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.

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  (631): beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner. http://tfl.nu/w2xi
  Replies (12) Good night (3438) Bad night (1996)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos

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  (617): the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos http://tfl.nu/3hab
  Replies (11) Good night (3815) Bad night (952)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.

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  (989): Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment. http://tfl.nu/uqhq
  Replies (20) Good night (3170) Bad night (1049)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark

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  (302): the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark http://tfl.nu/i1gh
  Replies (5) Good night (1786) Bad night (823)
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  (619): View more from California

  Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.

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  (619): Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked. http://tfl.nu/uejx
  Replies (3) Good night (951) Bad night (2156)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.

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  (850): So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them. http://tfl.nu/vjo6
  Replies (7) Good night (1406) Bad night (606)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.

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  (416): I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home. http://tfl.nu/62h6
  Replies (5) Good night (826) Bad night (496)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.

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  (330): I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning. http://tfl.nu/se9h
  Replies (6) Good night (874) Bad night (304)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way

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  (775): One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way http://tfl.nu/v3pg
  Replies (1) Good night (247) Bad night (475)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen

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  (516): the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen http://tfl.nu/qykh
  Replies (1) Good night (164) Bad night (318)

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