glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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