New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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