He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
last night I used snow as a chaser
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
