I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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