idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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