My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
