This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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