I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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