I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
