It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
