nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
