i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Randomize
