A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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