She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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