He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
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Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
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the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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