I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
