Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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