You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
What a dumb baby whore.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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