Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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