he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
