I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
