I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
