I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
