It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize