1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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