quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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