Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
