Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
