i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Ketchup is God's man juice
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
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