yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
