your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
