Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
