I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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