my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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