Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
