First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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