I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
