I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
