Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We talked him into tasing himself.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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