I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
pop tarts are not kleenex
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
