I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
