wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
MIDGETS
????
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
