i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.