How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
