i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
This baby is an asshole
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.