Texts From Last Night

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...

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  (816): FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine... http://tfl.nu/7ts7
  Replies (53) Good night (765) Bad night (3552)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula

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  (608): i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula http://tfl.nu/sb2u
  Replies (29) Good night (4288) Bad night (916)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  they had a keg party to fund her abortion.

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  (617): they had a keg party to fund her abortion. http://tfl.nu/e4dr
  Replies (79) Good night (2655) Bad night (5163)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes

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  (514): you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes http://tfl.nu/cth1
  Replies (21) Good night (7747) Bad night (1300)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.

  (214): View more from Texas

  Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.

  (817): View more from Texas

  You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.

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  (817): They asked me to help them shop for lingerie. (214): Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better. (817): You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for. http://tfl.nu/hqk4
  Replies (35) Good night (10498) Bad night (1344)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked

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  (412): We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked http://tfl.nu/s4j7
  Replies (9) Good night (1887) Bad night (3034)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  My grandma had to be escorted out by police.

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  (765): My grandma had to be escorted out by police. http://tfl.nu/ipgw
  Replies (18) Good night (6955) Bad night (958)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.

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  (678): So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God. http://tfl.nu/decj
  Replies (11) Good night (1010) Bad night (3427)
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  (667): View more from Maryland

  what customs doesn't know wont hurt them

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  (667): what customs doesn't know wont hurt them http://tfl.nu/bm46
  Replies (6) Good night (2695) Bad night (901)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"

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  (870): he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs" http://tfl.nu/uf2c
  Replies (9) Good night (2554) Bad night (763)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.

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  (630): I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive. http://tfl.nu/thwy
  Replies (13) Good night (858) Bad night (673)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  You is good. You is important. You is a slut.

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  (678): You is good. You is important. You is a slut. http://tfl.nu/0cr6
  Replies (9) Good night (1657) Bad night (819)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.

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  (828): I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight. http://tfl.nu/6ztd
  Replies (5) Good night (592) Bad night (260)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  Sadly that explains a lot.

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  (734): Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka. (1-734): Sadly that explains a lot. http://tfl.nu/6w41
  Replies (0) Good night (573) Bad night (230)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.

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  (313): I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION. http://tfl.nu/w75i
  Replies (8) Good night (529) Bad night (263)

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