Texts From Last Night

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty

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  (732): please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty http://tfl.nu/l1xo
  Replies (31) Good night (1161) Bad night (4023)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on

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  (250): my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on http://tfl.nu/e38v
  Replies (19) Good night (4754) Bad night (1005)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling

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  (612): and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling http://tfl.nu/vkmi
  Replies (12) Good night (4279) Bad night (894)
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  (516): View more from New York

  he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.

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  (516): he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor. http://tfl.nu/s1qd
  Replies (22) Good night (4988) Bad night (720)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.

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  (917): I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud. http://tfl.nu/cvat
  Replies (15) Good night (5889) Bad night (1095)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.

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  (404): Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic. http://tfl.nu/dv7k
  Replies (27) Good night (3467) Bad night (5272)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.

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  (206): Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit. http://tfl.nu/8fs8
  Replies (9) Good night (4143) Bad night (762)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.

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  (913): So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof. http://tfl.nu/7fh1
  Replies (8) Good night (2806) Bad night (952)
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  (585): View more from New York

  remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that

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  (585): remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that http://tfl.nu/fcdo
  Replies (8) Good night (531) Bad night (1086)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.

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  (208): He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like. http://tfl.nu/bbeg
  Replies (12) Good night (932) Bad night (705)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.

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  (571): You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow. http://tfl.nu/1kas
  Replies (5) Good night (1198) Bad night (477)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right

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  (207): So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right http://tfl.nu/bi9y
  Replies (7) Good night (1424) Bad night (460)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?

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  (314): Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him? http://tfl.nu/mvm1
  Replies (12) Good night (591) Bad night (434)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.

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  (727): This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners. http://tfl.nu/f1o4
  Replies (2) Good night (743) Bad night (377)
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  (925): View more from California

  I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.

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  (925): I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time. http://tfl.nu/8l0a
  Replies (1) Good night (593) Bad night (281)

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