Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
