office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"