I accidentally burped into my bong.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really