I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
