Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
